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MILITARY SALUTE

Old Salt: Life Imitating Art

By Douglas McArthur

Life Comes at You Fast:

When new to an adventure, life comes at you fast in every conceivable way. Take yours truly, placed on the then Super Carrier USS Forrestal. When you are cast into the flight deck environment with live ordinance, roaring jets, whirling propellers, not to forget other exciting impediments, you better learn fast or make peace with your maker. Come to think about it, existence could be perilous anywhere on these great war machines. As in life, if you live in fear, the experience will probably be “Prognosis Negative” (Google that movie for a laugh!).

Danger and Reward:

There was more than danger anticipated as the Navy had me prepared to live deliberately. Would I do it again? You bet I would. “83-year-old sailor reporting for duty.”

Beyond danger, there was camaraderie, fun, mind-expanding events, just to name a few. The antics that went on continue to help me keep a humorous perspective on today’s world. One was a prank, The Cigarette Ribbon Caper, which I’ll share in a future article. Another, the mind-expanding discussions between shipmates of all stripes was another growth opportunity. The current phony politics caused me to remember the first time I heard about “Art Imitating Life” in a sea story.

Life Imitating Art:

Just as the forgoing was life imitating art, the following is even a stranger foretelling of Art Imitating Life turning to future Life Imitating Art.

The lawless shenanigans of Biden and Democrats caused me to recall a Peter Sellers 1979 movie, Being There.

In this movie, a simple-minded gardener, Chance (Peter Sellers), resided in the Washington, D.C., townhouse (think basement) of his wealthy employer for his entire life and been educated only by television, is forced to vacate his home when his boss dies. While wandering the streets, he encounters business mogul Ben Rand (Melvyn Douglas), who assumes Chance to be a fellow upper-class gentleman. Soon Chance is ushered into high society, and his unaffected yet inane gardening wisdom makes him the talk of the town. Chance would make some mindless disconnected statement and some Washington Bureaucrat interpretation the nonsensical drivel to a brilliant National Policy statement. This unassuming idiot basically ends up headed to the Presidency.

Memorable lines:

The maid/housekeeper, Louise, is brilliantly played by fabulous actress Ruth Attaway.

“It’s for sure a white man’s world in America. Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I’ll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between th’ ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jackass. Look at him now! Yes, sir, all you’ve gotta be is white in America to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook!”

SUGGESTED REMAKE OF THE MOVIE FOR 2020

The forgoing movie is the personification of our current situation. I, therefore, propose an updated satirical version for 2020.

Lifelessness Imitating Art:

Being Where… A shameless dismantling of America, featuring Joe Biden and a cast of unknown perps. This 2020 movie is filmed virtually with a teleprompter always attached to our anti-hero as if he were a peanut vendor at Yankee Stadium.

In this movie, a simple-minded lifetime politician, Joe Biden, who has lived off the graft of Washington, D.C. his entire life, currently resides in the basement of one of his various mansions in Delaware. No one knows for sure where old Joe originated: Scranton, Long Island, or maybe Delaware. Old Joe has told so many lies of his history he probably can’t remember. His actual origin seems to be the “swamp” as he has no value system, although he claims to read Palms (his word, not mine). This stumblebum managed to amass millions by using his hapless children and sibling to funnel 10% vigorish to the “big guy”, as he likes to be called. His marks were China, Russia, or any others looking for an immoral American.

Slobbering Joe claims to stay confined in one of his basements where he resides with two dogs and his former best friend’s wife, Jill. Jill pretends to be a doctor able to prescribe pudding cups to Joe as needed. There is an unconfirmed rumor she got her Ph.D. in education in a quickie Mexican concern or perhaps ICS, the longtime International Correspondence School, you may recall from comic book ads of the past. Check it out, ICS is in Scranton, PA.

Joe, having no moral base, languishes in his dank basement with nothing to live for but the shrinking vig, his government pensions, and occasional pudding cups is tortured by the thought of the law catching up to him and his bumbling crime family. Our anti-hero is in for a surprise!

Working through Jill, a cabal looking suspiciously like Former President Obama, George Soros, and other power-hungry anti-constitutionalist, reveals they can save Old Joe. All old Joe must do is stay out of the way and act stupid.

Soon Joe is ushered into the limelight, and his inane mumbling, as interpreted by a fawning slavish media, makes him the talk of the town. Joe would make some mindless disconnected statement and some dupe, such as a Chris Wallace, interprets the nonsensical drivel to a brilliant National Policy statement. This unassuming idiot basically ends up headed to the Presidency, unaware he is dragging along his giggling replacement Commie Harris.

Possible Movie Sequel:

Giggling Socialism; How I took over without trying.  

Memorable Lines:

Old Joe tells Charlamagne tha God: “If you ain’t voting for me, you ain’t black enough.”

Obama’s character states: “Don’t underestimate Joe’s ability to screw anything up.” 

Real Life Conclusion:

Khrushchev was right!

“We do not have to invade the United States, they will destroy themselves from within.”

God save us

What are your thoughts? I would love to hear from you. If you wish to comment, please contact me at oldsaltCVA59@gmail.com

Submitted by Old Salt, Douglas McArthur, USS Forrestal; Ships Company, USS Saratoga; VA 34 Blue Blaster Squadron, and U.S. Army Reserves (Florida National Guard). 

 

 

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